Unbalanced Relationships

Many people will tell you that marriage is 50-50. Both people have to carry their own weight in order for the marriage to work.

With so many of my friends getting married in the next few months, I feel it's only fair to tell you that the 50-50 theory is a bunch of poo.

When you get married, you make a promise to love and protect that other person. You're making a commitment to be in this for the long-haul, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. That alone should tell you that marriage is definitely not 50-50 all the time. 

Sometimes you aren't going to be able to carry your own weight in your marriage. It's crazy how quickly an illness, the loss of a job, the death of a loved one or a variety of other cruddy life events can mess with that perfect 50-50 marriage. 

If you have gone into marriage thinking that things are always going to be split evenly and that you are both always going to be able to pull your own weight, you're going to fall apart pretty quickly. If you go into it willing to do whatever it takes to make things work, though, you'll quickly learn that marriage requires a lot of give and take. When one partner can't carry their own weight, the other steps in and takes on the extra work... and you do it because you've decided to love that person more than you love yourself. 

In my own marriage, the responsibilities have shifted back and forth between us quite a few times. During the first three and a half years that we were married, I was finishing up my college degree. During this time, my husband worked hard, often taking on extra hours and odd jobs to help us make ends meet so that I could finish what I had started. 

More recently, my husband had surgery and all those household responsibilities have fallen on me. I have become cook, cleaning lady and personal assistant on top of working 40 hours a week. 

In between these events, we have experience the loss of jobs, the loss of family members and a ton of other trying life events. With each unexpected turn in the road, either my husband or I have stepped up to the plate and done what we needed to keep us moving forward. It has been at those tough times that I have realized just how much I love my husband and how lucky I am to have married such an amazing man. 

During the times when it feels like you're the one carrying 90 percent of the responsibility in your marriage and it seems like your spouse is slacking off, it can be easy to fall into a pattern of irritation and resentment. You have to remember, though, that now is not forever (something my grandma and my mom often tell me when I'm getting into those crabby resentful ruts). Things will eventually change and become more balanced, and sooner or later, your spouse may be the one feeling that pressure of taking on all the responsibility. 

My point is that marriage is not always going to be perfect... It's not always going to be like the fairy tales you see on TV or in the movies. But, if you really and truly love that person and you're willing to sacrifice for your partner, things have a way of working themselves out.
Marriage is not always 50-50, but it is always making the choice to love each other unconditionally. Once you make that choice, you and your spouse can conquer anything that comes your way.